22 of March, 2017

There has been a lot of stuff going on in the shop and I feel like I am scrambling around to try to get what is needed done. Today and tomorrow I will be working probably all day. I will be lucky to be getting back to my house around 10 at night.

This is something I want, I just hate that I have to split my time in such a terrible manner. I want to work in the shop more, but I am still doing the same thing. I am milling and designing vaults. I definitely enjoy the system I have in place to do it and am working towards getting my hands on the needed tools to upgrade what I have in place. Accuracy is one of the most important parts of what I am doing, and I have to have every cut align perfect with what I need. I am working to reduce chip out as well as adjusting my angles to make sure everything is perfect. Or as close to perfect as I can get.

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All said, I also want to explore making additional products. I want to make jewelry boxes, I want to try making a shelving unit, drawers, completing my bed. I want to improve the things in my life and in time work on improving the things I have in place. I am at a loss for time, but I am trying to find enough to let me enjoy what I am doing with my life thus far. It isn’t easy, its far from simple.

But, it is what I am trying to do.

Of course, I feel like I am suffering in other areas. I am barely in contact with anyone. I miss chatting with many of my friends. I have a couple of people back in Florida of whom I can talk with on occasion. It’s strange how comforting their voices are and I yearn to be able to hang out with them. I need time away from all of this but I don’t want to take it or have the ability to.

I also miss being able to chat with a few of my friends, they are either super busy or actively dodging my texts. Most of them are women and they are people I care about. I like them for their points of views and one of them I am concerned about due to the state her life is in. I want to help, I want to listen and feel like I am a part of their lives in some minor way. But, instead I feel like I am somebody they don’t want to deal with or that I wronged them somehow. My brain loves to torture me on it and I can’t help think of things that I may have said or done that would have ostracized them. It’s depressing. Between that and the stress with the small business, my imagination is in overdrive. Sleepless nights, nightmares border lining on night terrors, and stress/pain on my physical body; this is literally starting to wreck me. I hate opening up about it but I just wanted to get the words out there and in a form where I can digest them.

Still, I press on.

I guess this is cathartic for me and thank you to anyone willing to look over it. I really appreciate it. Anyways, I may be posting more images of what has been going on in the shop and projects I am working on. The weather is almost good enough to start cycling again. Gods, I am looking forward to that bike again. Anyways, I hope everyone has a pleasant day and I will try to hop on again soon.

eddie-martin

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