Mile 19041


Take the weakest part of you, and beat the bastards with it,

Hold On When You Get Love And Let Go When You Give It, Stars

There is something I love about that quote.

It is just simply incredibly uplifting and positive. And it is a line I relate to well. For the last few years I have been following a similar mantra. I have been shoving ahead on the bike through sleet, hail, rain, lightning, and Florida driving stupidity. Somehow I have made it out alive on the other side. And more importantly, I just passed a massive milestone for myself.

I finally broke 19000 miles.

There was no literal milestone, or a finish line. No ribbon to ride through, or attractive individuals with bottles of champagne. Instead, it was just more cycling. I had to keep pushing ahead to get to work. I still had 5 more miles to put under my wheels and then an additional 7.3 to get back home. And every day I continue to push more asphalt under my wheels, and grind out the miles.

My gears are wearing, the grease is running thin, and I know I will need to rebuild my back wheel. There is not a chance in hell that that wheel is actually true or even circular. Still, I hit 28.8 miles an hour as I was leaving work the afternoon. And I plan on going faster on my way to go get dinner.

 And I am looking at heading out on the bike yet again.

I’m looking at doing about another 6 miles tonight because I feel I am still not near where I want to be. I am still sitting around 322 pounds, and frankly I should weigh far closer to 250 by this point. Sadly, I guess I have been following my mom’s philosophy that “Yes, I am a shape, that shape is round. But round is a shape.” That is far too stagnant of a way to look at myself. And stating that I hate myself and the way I look is too toxic.

However, the truth stands, I need to lose this weight. I don’t like the fact that I happen to weigh about 3 of my friends put together. I hate the idea of being the biggest person my friends know. I am not content in being the fat guy in the group (my humor is too dark for me to be trusted to be the fat guy who can make people laugh.) And I have no intentions of staying this way.

The big thing is going to be hitting it the one place that trying to change your weight really matters. My diet. I am not about to put myself on some diet that will put the die in diet.  However, I am not going to starve myself or allow myself to continue to eat poorly.

Tackling this isn’t the easiest concept. 

What I am looking at doing is to focus on eating based on a physical budget. By that I mean eating no more than 10 dollars a day. I will have exactly 10 bucks to spend each day, there will be no going over, and if I feel I have to spend more, I can draw from another day where I hadn’t spent all of that 10 bucks. That should afford me what I require and give me the ability to eat very well.

At one point in my life, I had somehow been surviving on a mere dollar per day. I had been spending less than 50 bucks a month on food because I had no choice. It was a lot of rice, beans, potatoes, onions… And ramen. So much damn ramen. Hell, it was so much ramen I had to find weird ways to force myself to continue to eat it. That didn’t go so well.

So the idea of spending around 10 bucks a day feels like a godsend. It feels like some kind of miracle. I can actually afford to eat well. And whenever I have actually been able to afford to eat well, I have lost weight. Cheap food is disgustingly bad for you, and will do few favors towards getting in shape m or changing the way your body feels. Common sense says that spending more money on food should mean you would be able to become fatter. And yet, the exact opposite happens.

I ate incredibly well at the beginning of the year (and was direly sick,) and I dropped at least 50 lbs. I had lost so much I was worried of blood poisoning. I plan on doing that again. Not the sick part, but dropping weight. I want to weigh 300 by the end of the year. And I won’t really do that tapping away on the keyboard any more tonight. That ten bucks a day feels like such a luxury, but it is a luxury I have to seize.

I hope you have a pleasant evening. If you don’t mind, I have to nestle my cat and race to go get dinner.


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